Step 2

Dressed for success in an oversized T-Shirt from a California pizza joint, I submit an application for a desk job in Fort Collins, Colorado I found on Craigslist.com. Responsibilities include answering the phone and working on a computer. I have years of experience with these tasks and I almost feel overqualified. I attach my resume:

Education: 77 credit hours at the University of Northern Colorado, English major, no degree
Recent Work Experience: Part-Time Security Guard, 2.5 years; Part-Time Dishwasher,University of Northern Colorado dining services, 3 months
Military: Private First Class, part-time helicopter mechanic, 1.5 years

I am enlisting myself for a 45-minute commute but I have almost beaten The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion on my Xbox 360 and I will need another productive way to fill my time between National Guard drill weekends until my unit deploys to Afghanistan. I am looking specifically for a job with a desk, and potentially a necktie, because I am still recovering from reconstructive surgery on a clavicle that I broke in a motorcycle accident and because I look dashing in a necktie.

New Year’s Resolution 4: Acquire all possible Xbox 360 achievements for Oblivion.
This will show a high level of perseverance and dedication, two characteristics that employers look for in a candidate. I will start this process promptly.