Missed Connection

Today is Monday, so at 7:30 pm I am gliding across the local outdoor swimming pool in a variation of breaststroke where the head and ears are kept out of the water. My chin juts out, plowing across the blue expanse and I flutter along behind it.
A girl two lanes down is wearing earrings that shine how only fake diamonds can in an overhead light. She is on a kickboard. We trade glances. Hers, a soft, possibly longing, optical embrace that is either asking the two of us to frolic like sea anemone in the deep end, to let our toes touch or asking why someone overweight by Army standards is wearing a Speedo with yellow smiley faces. Mine is either gasping for breath or suave. Favoring the latter, I dive under the lane lines and we meet in the middle. She doesn’t hesitate to grab my hand with hers. Her hands are a topographical map, I circle the scenic lookout point where we will pack a picnic and unfold a romance.

A girl two lanes down is wearing earrings with her swim cap. She gives me a strange look, and I realize I’ve been staring. She kicks off the wall, back across the pool. I climb out. It’s raining so I run to the locker room.

Fortune Cookie

"Reaffirm your faith in financial plans. Make a budget" - Peking Noodle Co.

Death by Ambition

For the second day in a row, I have unholstered my ambition, and dove into my New Year's Resolution #4: Achieve a score of 275 on the Army Physical Fitness Test, by going down to the high school pool and used my younger brother’s employee discount. More simply, I have gone swimming. Twice. Swimming fascinates me because it is the only sport that contains both competitive and leisurely aspects while directly in the presence of death by drowning. My grandmother’s water aerobics class is really just an older group of thrill seekers looking for a socially acceptable to get their fix of danger, of life on the edge.

I feel death in my tires muscles as my breaststroke kick wears out mid-length and the tight grip around my lungs as I struggle to break the surface after a dive.
Stroke, kick, breathe; stroke, kick, breathe. I am dancing with death. A misstep puts me at the mercy of the high school kid in the red shorts currently flirting with the polka-dot bikini in lane three. A misstep will kill me. I am gambling, risking my life to improving it.

No pain = no peaches, so they say. I dive in for another lap.

Relocation

I would love to type vivid sentence fragments about an adventure that I am about to embark upon now that I am in the Golden State of California. I would love to let my fingers stray across keys like, “saving manta rays” or “back country snowboarding.” But with a checking account balance of $-145.00, I have moved to California—like the migrant fruit pickers of my heritage—to work, to get my hands dirty, to stretch the patience of my sanity and of my family’s hospitality.

With no interviews offered and no hours assigned with my security company in Colorado, I swallowed my pride and called my dad. “Hey, how are you? Good, good, glad to hear that. Hey I was wondering if …”

Leaving my fiancée and medical bills in Colorado, I moved two suitcases into a bedroom that shares a bathroom with my parents and I will be here for a month. This is not a defeat but a relocation of my downward spiral.

I have promoted myself to Assistant Manager of the Shipping and Receiving Department, it is a smaller department containing two twenty-three year old college dropouts, myself included. There is a sign posted near my desk; it reads “No Exit.”

Resolution 2: Postponed.

P.S. I forgot to pack any shorts.
P.S.S. Now that I work for and commute with my dad, he can use the High Occupancy/Commuter Express traffic lane but he has yet to thank me. I should mention this when he drives me to work tomorrow.

Still Waiting

Last night, I stayed up three hours past my bedtime because I could not put down The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Unquestionably, this is another beaming example of my dedication and perseverance. I should put this on my resume.

I am still waiting for the pictures my fiancée and I had taken at my National Guard battalion Christmas party to arrive so I can mail Christmas cards.

Currently listening to: Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog soundtrack.

Monday

To-Do List:

• Purchase Laundry detergent


• Pawn old vacuum


• Pay credit card minimums


• Prepare a hostile takeover of the literary world (or write a series of novels about teenage angst in the form of broom riding, wand wielding vampires going to school in the English countryside) I am not fully committed to either idea


• Physical therapy appointment


• Pick up mail held at the post office over the holiday

Taken today is this pretty picture of metal mixed into the bone structure like an uninvited party guest who beats you at charades:

I am the 40,000 dollar man.

Step 2

Dressed for success in an oversized T-Shirt from a California pizza joint, I submit an application for a desk job in Fort Collins, Colorado I found on Craigslist.com. Responsibilities include answering the phone and working on a computer. I have years of experience with these tasks and I almost feel overqualified. I attach my resume:

Education: 77 credit hours at the University of Northern Colorado, English major, no degree
Recent Work Experience: Part-Time Security Guard, 2.5 years; Part-Time Dishwasher,University of Northern Colorado dining services, 3 months
Military: Private First Class, part-time helicopter mechanic, 1.5 years

I am enlisting myself for a 45-minute commute but I have almost beaten The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion on my Xbox 360 and I will need another productive way to fill my time between National Guard drill weekends until my unit deploys to Afghanistan. I am looking specifically for a job with a desk, and potentially a necktie, because I am still recovering from reconstructive surgery on a clavicle that I broke in a motorcycle accident and because I look dashing in a necktie.

New Year’s Resolution 4: Acquire all possible Xbox 360 achievements for Oblivion.
This will show a high level of perseverance and dedication, two characteristics that employers look for in a candidate. I will start this process promptly.

Obligatory New Year's Resolutions # 1-4

Compelled by standard American operating procedures, I am committing to a list of resolution:


Resolution 1: (Continued resolution from New Years 2009) Publish a short story
As a literary genius, I am obligated to share my stories with the world. The fact that I have been unable to publish anything yet, speaks more about the current trend away from printed materials and less about my abilities as a creative writer. Fact.


Resolutions 2: Find a full time employment.
Motivated by a selfless desire to bolster the national economy and by an empty checking account, I am going to find a full time job.


Resolution 3: Take down the Christmas lights


Resolution 4: (TBD)


I will start tomorrow.