Let me tell you about my condition.
It could be Irritable Bowel Syndrome or a maze of food intolerances, but whatever the title, I am in possession of a sensitive gastro-intestinal tract. My GI tract would rather pack a picnic lunch and read poems than crawl through the mud and go to war. My GI tract cares very little about my childhood dreams of being GI Joe. In turn, my childhood dreams care very little about the sensitive needs of my GI tract.
You know that quote, shoot for the moon and you’ll land among the stars? Through trial and error, I have determined that is wishy-washy nonsense, liberal propaganda at best. The quote should be re-phrased, shoot for the moon and you’ll land at a Manas Transit Center in Kyrgyzstan en route to Operation Enduring Freedom.
I imagine Kyrgyzstan would be a great hiking destination; a large mountain range sets the backdrop behind the Hesco barriers and concertina wire. However, as Uncle Sam is writing my itineraries, I am not allowed to venture beyond the boundaries of the airbase. This leaves me with the privilege of army chow, with the privilege of reliving the realization that the Army, in step with my dreams, cares very little about the sensitive needs of my GI tract.
A dining guide for the Transit Center at Manas:
I typed “gluten-free friendly in Kyrgyzstan” in the Urbanspoon.com search bar but the Colonel Mac’s DFAC does not pop-up in the results listing.
The Army Dining Facility (DFAC) is a cross between a college dining hall and charity soup kitchen. The ambition of the former but the food quality of the latter. Flat-screen televisions adorn the walls, but the meat is not 100% grass-fed Harris Ranch beef. Cheap meat often uses wheat/gluten as filler. Current event reference—the Taco Bell beef exposed as 68% isolate oat product. The location changes and the food items rotate but the basics two options remain: 1. take a risk 2. Fruit and water.
I keep almonds and gluten-free, dairy-free, corn-free, oat-free, wheat-free, peanut-free, corn starch-free, buckwheat-free, egg-free (more simply put— “Andrew Friendly”) energy/food bars in my backpack. But, I have been unable receive supply shipments for two-weeks and the Army & Air Force Exchange does not carry a wide variety of “Andrew Friendly” food. In short, I am running low on supplies and if my stay in Manas is extended I will resort to cannibalism as, historically, this is the appropriate response in emergency situations.
A running guide
Just outside the Hesco barriers is a soft-dirt trail that loops through a section of trees and wild, un-manicured grass. Look on the base map for “Fitness Trail.” The loop is approximately three miles of mostly flat, wide trail, which could easily accommodate a group run or 5k morale fun run. There are enough trees to block any potential for a scenic mountain view but not enough to effectively block the sun. I recommend running with Yurbud in-ear headphones, their supreme fit and audio quality are the perfect escape from the construction and jet noise.
